Why, oh why, do they . . .
. . . constantly change the water in our bowl for clean, fresh, cool stuff?
It takes us such a long time to get the water up to standard by adding all those bits of food, fur and grunge.
. . . wash our food bowl?
Those last little hardened bits would be sooo tasty after a few days.
. . . take our bones away after we've eaten all the meat and marrow?
Something about not wanting us to wear out our teeth, but the bones are at their best then, and have you ever seen a wolfhound with dentures?
. . . go out without us?
We don't know what they get up to but we just know it would be better with us there.
"If we want fresh water we know where to get it."
"Those old, crusty bits are the best!"
. . . shut the door when they know we want to come in and out 100 times a day.
Who cares about a few flies and mossies?
. . . wash our bedding every week?
We don't like it clean but we sleep on it anyway to just keep them happy.
. . . clean the house of our fur, footprints and toys?
Humans make a mess too - just look at all the things they leave lying around.
"How am I supposed to get through that?"
. . . wash and groom us outside.
There's a shower inside - why can't we use that?
. . . cook with their elbows stuck out?
We can hardly get to the cutting board or bench tops when they do this. And then they send us out of the kitchen altogether!
. . . buy a fridge with doors we can't open?
How are we supposed to check it out? Things could be going out of date in there and they wouldn't know.
. . . store our food in cupboards and bins with lids on?
It's our food - how can we get to it when we're hungry?
"That's the idea, Dad - elbows in!"
"Why are all our goodies kept in a cupboard
we can't reach?"
. . . ban us from upstairs?
We know that's where the most comfortable beds are, and we only want to play with the old cat who lives up there.
. . . make us sit in the back of the car?
We could help drive if we were in the front. We watch them do it all the time and it can't be that hard.
"This is the correct way to store dog food."
"We know where the most comfortable beds are."
"Oh no! A jam! We knew he should have
gone left at the last junction!"
. . . embarrass us by patting and hugging us in public?
We've got our street cred to think of, you know.
. . . stop us from sniffing people when we're out.
We won't recognise them next time if we don't get a good sniff, and we're quite happy for them to sniff our bums and willies in return.
. . . tell us to move from in front of the TV.
How else can we appreciate the full benefit of surround-sound? Besides, you'd think they'd rather look at our beautiful markings than the rubbish they watch on that box.
"But I've only just started . . ."
"Why?"
"Intruder alert!!
Jehovah's Witnesses approaching!"
"I think probably we can turn
the air-con off now."
"Leads are nothing but trouble!"
. . . put up a sign letting people know we live here?
How can we improve our score for frightening off callers if no one calls?
. . . ignore us when we stare at the air conditioner?
It feels great when we want a nap in summer. Electricity bill? What's that?
. . . need to hold a lead all the time?
Do they really think they'll get lost if they don't hang on to us? Don't they know the way?
We thought they all had sat-nav now.
. . . take us to the vet?
He's a nice enough man, but that thing with the thermometer has got to stop!
. . . always decide where we go for walks and when we have to come home?
Why can't we choose the route for once?
. . . fence off the vegetable garden?
We're great diggers and that soft, nice smelling soil is the best place to dig, especially when the blood & bone is added - it smells delicious!
. . . fence the yard down to a meagre two acres?
It's barely enough to stretch out in and we can't get out to explore the world.
It's clear that all we wolfhounds are going to have to
work much harder at training our humans!
Many thanks to Jeff Baker for compiling this list and agreeing to share it here.
He was prompted to write it when he cleaned the house prior to Kay's
return from holiday, and wondered what the hounds made of it all.
(And congratulations to Kay who clearly has an excellent husband-training programme!)
