Bath This is a process by which your human drenches the floor, walls and himself. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently. |
Drool What you do when your person has food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can to allow the drool to form a pool on the surface of the table or in their lap. |
Waste bin A dog toy filled with paper, apple cores and sweet wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house till your person comes home. |
Lead A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him to go. |
Deafness A malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down. |
Sniff A social custom used when greeting other dogs. Place the nose as close as possible to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human crotches. Dustbin A container which your neighbours put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must push off the lid with your nose - if you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers, beef bones and mouldy crusts of bread. |
Love A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, your human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotch. |
Dog bed Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered sofa. |
Thunder This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and attempting to wedge yourself under the bed. Bump The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a cup of tea or coffee. |
Page reviewed October 2007 |