Torteval Irish Wolfhounds

Irish wolfhound breeders are always concerned (or should be) that the new owners of their puppies are well prepared for life with a wolfhound, so we thought it might be fun to devise one of those 'psychological profiling' questionnaires that could be used to test the attitudes of prospective owners and separate those suited to life with a wolfhound from those who really ought to be looking at cocker spaniel puppies.

Read on, and see how you score.

On your first visit to the breeder to see the litter, the puppies' sire, all 14st of him, sits down on top of your young son.
Do you:

When he's walking off the lead your wolfhound loves to roll in anything disgusting, the smellier the better, and then tops it off with a layer of mud from the slimiest puddle he can find. Do you:

a)    start doing all his walks on the lead?

b)    build him a kennel?

c)    install an electric shower outside so you can wash him
       down after his walks?

Your wolfhound can't resist chewing the new plaster on the walls of your recently re-built, state-of-the-art kitchen. Do you:

a)    banish him to the utility room?

b)    have the walls tiled?

c)    get up at 5.30am to quickly fill and re-paint the damaged areas so your partner doesn't find out?

An acquaintance asks you to look after her wolfhound while she is on holiday for two weeks. You already have one of your own and are in the process of moving house. You really don't think you'll cope. Do you:

a)    refuse as politely as you can?

b)    recommend a good boarding kennel?

c)    gulp, squirm, reluctantly agree, then have
       such a good time that you get a second
       wolfhound yourself?

Your wolfhound refuses to sleep alone at night, but your bed isn't big enough for the three of you. Do you:

a)    refuse to pander to his whims and lie awake listening
       to him whine?

b)    let him and your partner have the bed while you move
       to the spare room?

c)    move a single bed next to your double one so that
      there's plenty of room for the three of you?

You're entertaining friends to dinner. Having left a pan of custard heating on the hob, you return to the kitchen to find your wolfhound has begun to help herself to the contents. Do you:

a)    Say nothing, and dish it up anyway?

b)    Throw out the custard and serve ice-cream
        instead?

c)    Confess and hope your guests have had enough
       wine not to care?

You're weighing your male wolfhound on your vet's new, expensive, electronic scales, when he starts peeing all over the platform. Do you:

a)    Get out of the surgery as quickly as you can and hope that someone else will get the blame?

b)    Apologise profusely and offer to pay for repair/replacement?

c)    Panic; pinch the end of the dog's willy to stop the flow, then realise that you're stuck, as the
       dog won't move while you're holding tight, and like the Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke,
       you can't let go!?

Your adult wolfhound is in the habit of standing in front of the TV at the crucial moment in your favourite soap opera/football match/whodunnit, completely obscuring your view. Do you:

a)    train him to respond instantly to the 'down' command?

b)    buy a wide-screen TV and position it on top of a tall cupboard?

c)    start watching wildlife programmes instead so that he can enjoy an evening's viewing too?

a)    leave immediately, dragging the squashed remains of
       your offspring behind you?

b)    ask if the breeder has third party insurance?

c)    get the dog to sit on your daughter as well, so she
       doesn't feel left out?

a)    keep well away in case the other dog and/or owner is
       aggressive?

b)    walk past smiling politely and thinking what a poor
      specimen the other hound is?

c)    immediately introduce yourself and your dog, and
       arrange to meet up for a walk together the next day?

You notice your four month old wolfhound puppy hard at work digging his first hole in your carefully tended garden. Do you:

a)   reprimand him severely?

b)   call a builder in to concrete the whole garden?

c)   run for the camera to record the moment for posterity?

Your rating:

10 - 16 points: Have you thought about a cocker spaniel . . . or maybe a cat?

17 - 23 points: You're almost there, just relax and keep trying to think 'wolfhound'.

24 - 30 points: You're probably already happily sharing your life with at least one wolfhound -
if not, you should be!

All the scenarios described here are based on real life situations,
either our own experiences or those of wolfhound owning friends.
Our thanks to: Jo Braine, Nick & Maria Eggleston, Julia McKendry and Ros Keenor.
A special vote of thanks to Anne's family for eating the custard without wincing and
Jos-at-the-vets who brought the bucket!

Page reviewed October 2007